HAH... Good Luck With That

Okay, so Pinterest has spawned a bazillion people (myself included) who suddenly think they're crafty.

I'm fine with that.  In fact, Pinterest is really going to help me knock out #5 on my 30 Before 30 list.  I'm all about stealing someone else's creativity and passing it along as my own.

But every once in a while I'll see a pin that makes me angry.  Now, if I see it once or twice--okay, mildly irritated.  But when it becomes so popular that I see it a dozen times a week, I am angered.

This is one of those pins.

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AWWW, look.  It's a cute little sand-filled time out stool.  Isn't that precious?  I can make it and then my child will just sit there like the perfect angel that he is.  WRONG.  

First of all, the kid's freakin' feet can't even touch the floor.  He's going to fall over.  And yes, it will be your fault.

Second of all, and most importantly--do you know of ANY CHILD that would sit on a timeout stool, knowing that once alllll the sand gets to the bottom he'll be able to get up, WITHOUT getting up so that he can actually SEE the sand?!  

Allow me to answer that for you.  You don't.  Because that child does not exist.  

In real life, your child is going to be ass up, hands on the ground, looking at the sand upside down until he falls over and breaks something.  He'll either break his face OR he'll break the stool.  

So would you rather clean up blood or sand or bloody sand?  Because you're asking for it if you make your kid sit on this.  

Yes, the stool is adorable.  But this is make-believe, people.  Quit pinning this 8,000,000 times a day and for the love of God do not make this.  

Take Your 'Toy' & Shove It!

Remember when you were a little kid and your mom would pull up to the drive-thru?  It was always such a treat to see this...

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And why was it such a treat?  Well, sure the chicken nuggets rocked!  But that wasn't why!  It was for the toy.  

Ah.... the toy.

It was always something you could play with... ya know, actually enjoy.  

"I wonder which one I'll get this time, mom!"

A barbie?  

A Hot Wheels Car?

Maybe Batman?  

Or, possibly even The Lion King himself!

What has happened?!  I mean, I know that the quality of the toys are never going to be as awesome as when we were kids, but even WITH lowered standards I find myself thinking.... what is THIS crap?!

I mean, my son actually got THIS as his kids meal toy a few days ago.  

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WHAT.IS.THIS?!

What can he do with THIS?!

My husband had to put it together (and did so only out of pure amusement).  And of course my son had absolutely no interest in it.  

The thing is made out of paper!!  I've had paper CUTS that were more amusing to my child.

He doesn't even ask what toy he's going to get in his kids meals on the rare occasions we eat fast food.  He doesn't care.  There's ZERO expectation that it will be anything of interest to him.  

It's sad honestly, and it's a little pathetic.  

If companies aren't going to put a toy into the kids meal that will at least give the child some sort of entertainment, if only for 10 minutes then just don't put them in there!  SPARE ME!  I'm sick of picking the crap up out of the floorboard of my car because it's been immediately dismissed by my kid.  Keep the "toy" and lower your prices.  

AND SPARE THE ENVIRONMENT!  I mean good GRIEF, everyone keeps blabbing about Green THIS and Green THAT and fast-food places are throwing cardboard "toys" into the millions of kids meals they pump out a day.  

They're honestly more likely to make a kid of the 21st century happy by placing a tiny little message on the chicken-nugget box that says, "In lieu of giving you a piece of junk cardboard monstrosity and labeling it a "toy" we've donated 25 cents toward saving the rain forest!"

Until then, they can just take their TOYS and shove 'em!

Five Gift Ideas for the Royal Wedding

As you may have heard about 8 million times in the past few months, Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married.

A royal wedding!  How exciting!

Don't they look so happy?  [Note:  Happy and uncomfortably forced into an awkward pose sometimes look the same.]

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Sadly, I was overlooked on the royal invitation list.  It's okay.  I was too busy not caring to attend anyway.  

But for those who were rich fortunate enough to get an invitation, here are five gift ideas for the couple who has everything:

1:  For Princess Kate:  How about a lovely bedazzled neck brace for when that huge crown puts too much of a strain on her delicate frame?

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2:  Or, what about a big giant poster of Princess Diana to hang throughout the royal home as a reminder that she will be compared to Princess Diana for the rest of her life?

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3:  Now, we all know Kate loves her some hats.  

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Okay... you get the point.  

So, what about adding another hat to the collection?  Something that says, "I can wear this hat if I want.  You know why?  Because I'm the future queen... and I do what I want."  

If any hat in the history of hats has ever made such a statement, it'd be this one.

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4:  Now, we can't forget the groom.  For Prince William, I recommend a disguise so that when he feels the need to get away from the old royal ball-and-chain he can roam around without being recognized.

Before awesome disguise:  "Haye, look.  It's Prince William... at the bar!  I'm telling Kate!"

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After awesome disguise:  "Haye, who's that dork!?  Oh wait, who cares?!"  Such a classic gift.  And one that keeps on giving!

5:  And finally, a gift for the couple.  Recently William and Kate have announced that they would love to add to the royal family in the future through adoption.  

So, if you need a gift for the couple, might I recommend one of the Duggar children.

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...or possibly even one of the Jolie-Pitt children.

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Let's face it... neither family would probably even notice one of them were missing.

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!

Saving the Planet: A Sliding Scale

Okay, I have a confession to make but you have to promise not to judge me.  You promise?  Well, then lean in.  Close.  Closer.

I've never participated in Earth Day before.  

(BTW, that was my attempt at cyber-whispering.  Just go with it.)


Now where were we?  Oh yes.  I'd just admitted that I'd never participated in Earth Day before.

Is that a crime?  Depends on who you ask.

So, let's ask George.  (Note:  I did't actually know George Carlin but if I did I'm almost certain he'd like me calling him George.  And again, just go with it.)

George, do you think it's a crime not to participate in Earth Day?  What's your opinion on all of this "saving the Earth" business?

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Hmm.  Well, I think we can all agree that George doesn't think I've committed any crimes.  And I happen to think the man is a genius, so maybe I'm not so bad after all.

However, all [well, most] humor aside, I decided that I need to start becoming more conscious about the environment.  Don't get me wrong, I'm with George.  I don't think we're going to destroy the planet.  I think that's giving humans entirely too much credit.

To me, Earth Day or "being conscious about the environment" isn't about "saving the planet."  I think of it this way.  I may not be on a diet, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't pay any attention at all to what I eat.  I may not be counting calories, but I know not to make a habit out of eating ice cream everyday.

So what's my point?  I view everything on a sliding scale.  I can believe that there is no way to "save the planet," even that the planet doesn't need us to save it, while still realizing that I need to make better habits and teach my son to just be conscious.

What will we do to be more environmentally conscious you ask?

Ah.... slow down little grasshopper.  Earth Day isn't until tomorrow and it shall be revealed to ye then.

Update:  Want to find out what changes we made on Earth Day?  You can read about it here.

The ABCs of Being a Student

I've been in school my entire life.  Seriously.

I started elementary school, well . . . let's just say it's been a while.

In fact, just to give you a frame of reference this was the #1 song on the Billboard Charts the week is started kindergarden.

And this was at the top of every kids' Christmas list to Santa:

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Okay, so now that we've established that I've been in school a really, really long time I'd like to share a few things with you that have taken me, well, a really long time to figure out on my own.  

Textbooks

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• Never, ever buy a textbook from the campus bookstore unless it's a do-or-die situation.  They're extremely overpriced.  Type in the ISBN into google or amazon or buy used from a friend.
• Post your books on amazon.com immediately after the semester ends if you plan on selling them.  (It's simple.  You just set up an account and type in the ISBN, which is listed on the back of the book.)  Books are replaced with new editions very often.  If you don't list it immediately, you risk having another paperweight around the house.  
• And speaking of making the decision of whether to sell or keep your books:  unless you found the layout of the book so helpful that you'll reference it in the future (either for class or your profession) get rid of it!  You'll be forced to buy way more than you have room for, trust me.
• If a book is recommended by the professor, rather than required find someone who's previously had the class to find out if you should purchase it.  Chances are, you won't ever use it and you won't be tested over any material in it or else the professor would have required it.  My vote: 9 out of 10 times, pass them up.

Classes

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• If you're not a morning person, don't enroll for morning classes and magically expect that you'll feel like going.  You won't.
• Think ahead.  If I take "x" this semester instead of "y" will "y" still be available for me to take next semester?  Some courses are only offered once per year.  This requires planning.
• And speaking of planning, know exactly what classes you plan on taking, exactly what you need to do to register for those classes online, and the exact minute registration opens.  Registration at my school is online and each class is assigned a number.  I write out the numbers of the classes I want as well as alternatives in case I don't get into the courses I want.  Then, I set my alarm (our registration is always at 7:15am), wake up in the morning, grab my list, log online, and am ready to go.  This insures that I almost always get in the classes I want.
• Try to keep one day class free if possible.  I usually try to do this on a Monday or a Friday so that I have a longer weekend.  Some people prefer Wednesdays so that it breaks up the week.  Think about what would make the semester easier on you.

Costs of College

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• There are people whose jobs are to help you with your financial aide.  They know you don't know all of the answers, or even all of the questions.  Use these people!  Make appointments with them.    Take a notepad and pen.  And ask tons of questions.
• FAFSA is the federal government program that will help you pay for college.  You'll fill out a form and the government will send the information straight to your school.  Almost 100% of my undergrad and doctorate have been funded through the use of this program.  
• Avoid private loans, such as loans through banks.  Stick with the government grants/loans.  Trust me on this one.
• Don't forget to research scholarship opportunities.  You'd be surprised what's available.  Ask the HR department if your corporation offers them.  Ask the colleges you're applying to.  And don't forget to visit your state's website for scholarship opportunities as well.  
• College is expensive enough as it is--don't add to the costs if you don't have to.  For example, do you really need to go out of state?  Or, can you take your basics at a technical college and then transfer them to the university you want to attend?  Many times, this is possible and can save you thousands of dollars.
• Find out what your tuition entitles you to and take advantage of it.  For example, my college has a gym with workout equipment and a huge pool.  It's free to all students, so if you live near campus there's no reason anyone who attends there should be paying for a gym membership.

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• Friends.  Make them!  If you're shy, find at least one person in each class that seems nice and ask him for his phone number/email.  Make a deal, "I'll take notes for you when you're absent if you'll do the same for me."  You'd be surprised how helpful this will be when the professor decides to make a sudden change in the syllabus while you're not there.  And you'd also be surprised how many of these "strictly business" relationships turn into lifelong friendships.
• Absences.  Find out the attendance policy up front.  If you know you're going to be out, let your professor know as soon as possible.  Despite what they say, many of them won't count it against your total if you let them know up front.  Also, keep track of your absences on your calendar.  And use your absences wisely.  Spring 2010 semester, I had to allot my absences perfectly so that I didn't miss any of my son's t-ball games.  Think about these things in advance.   
• Involvement.  Whether you're 18 and going off to college or in your mid-forties with kids at home going back to college--get involved.  Colleges have activities to fit all interests and lifestyles.  For example, many of the activities I've participated in are ones in which students are encouraged to take their spouses and children, such as baseball games or luncheons.  Seek these opportunities out and have fun with them.  Many are funded by your tuition anyway, so you might as well enjoy them!
• Student Discounts.  Tons of stores offer these, so make sure you get your Student ID while you're in the campus bookstore not buying books.  Most campuses supply your ID for free.  Keep it on you and ask around.  Many places offer student discounts:  movie theaters; local sports events; amusement parks; department stores; auto insurance companies; and more.  One of my favorite places to shop is Express.  They offer a 15% discount to students who show their ID.  Now that makes me happy!  

Alright, well I hope someone found this helpful.  If you did, please let me know by commenting below. 

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!