Has it really been almost a year?

Has it really almost been one year since my last blog post?  Seriously?  Have I been that busy?  Oh, I hate it.

I guess I'll try to sum up the past year (gulp) without being too boring.

My blogging really slowed down early last year as I wrapped up my final semester of law school.  Of course, almost as soon as I graduated it was time to get busy studying for the Bar Exam.  My entire summer was spent either studying for the Bar Exam or curled up in a ball crying over how there was no point in studying because there was simply NO WAY I was going to pass.

After taking the Bar, my life was quiet for about a month.  During this time I wanted to start blogging regularly again but I just didn't have it in me.  The thought of attempting to create something that others might want to read seemed overwhelming.  My mind was in recovery mode, from three months of 10-18 hour study days 6-7 days a week, from the years of law school that had come before that, and of course, from the years in undergrad that had come even before that.  For the first time, there was nothing to study.  And my mind went on autopilot.

Of course, autopilot didn't last long.  Two days before I found out I'd passed the Bar Exam (that's right -- I passed!!) I was offered a job.  Over the past ten months I've been practicing law.  It's honestly taken me so long to become an attorney that sometimes when I sit back and think about the fact that I am one, I giggle.  I'm an attorney.  Teeheehee.  :D

I've honestly liked practicing a lot more than I thought I would.  I went into law school thinking I'd love practicing, but left wondering if I'd like it at all.  While in law school I realized that I loved the study of law and being around others who are likeminded and share similar passions.  But I began to wonder if I'd like the practice of law as much as law in theory.  To my surprise, I've enjoyed it.  A lot.  I love the people that I work with and most of the time I even love my clients... haha.

So over the past ten months, we've been a two-parent, working household for the first time.  And it's sucked.  Our house has STAYED in a constant state of clutter and unfolded laundry.  My son started the first grade -- I blinked -- first grade was over.  Because my drive to work is (wait for it) 1.5 hours ONE WAY, we had to hire a nanny to pick up Maddox from school and take him to piano practice and swim practice.  If we'd have sent him to after-school care he wouldn't have been able to continue his lessons in either.

It's been so chaotic.  And I've hated it.  Although I've loved my work, I hated my ridiculous commute.  (Yes, it's my fault that I took a job that far away from where I work but I had my reasons.)  I also hated the thought of second grade starting next month -- me blinking -- and second grade being over.  Not again. And more than anything, I've hated not being able to put my family first.

So, after about two months of talks and prayer and thought, I turned in my notice.  This Friday, July 26th, is my last day.  My husband is BEYOND supportive and good grief I'm so thankful for that guy.

Where do I go from here?

Well, the plan is to start my own practice so that I can work part time and schedule my case load around what matters most, my family.  I hope to have my practice up and running by January.  In the meantime (and this is my favorite part) I'll solely be homeschooling Maddox.  It's something I've been wanting to do since before he started kindergarten but I couldn't do it because I had to focus on my own education.

So, next month we start homeschooling.  And, soon I'll slowly incorporate my part-time work into my routine as well.  I'm beyond thrilled!  Maddox is so excited too.  He's done great in public school, but (like most children) some subjects come easier to him than others.  I'm looking forward to seeing how much he'll excel in math now that he won't have to sit in class and wait on other children to finish their work.  And I'm looking forward to seeing how much he'll improve in reading now that we can spend extra time on it.

To wrap this up:  I'm back.  I've been gone.  But I'm so glad to be back!

Mad Jackie, J.D.

I've been missing again.  And oh, I'm so glad to be back... and to have nothing standing in my way of enjoying my blog anymore!

Why don't I have anything standing in my way anymore you ask?  Well, that's because....

I graduated from law school!!

See, I even have pictures.

My mom was a tad excited about my graduation.  Here's her car.

 My grandma and me before the ceremony.

 And one with my mom before the ceremony.

Then that sweet, sweet music started and we began to walk in.

I passed right by my fan club! :)

But then, the moment I'd been waiting for arrived.

It was my turn to walk on stage and get hooded.

I was officially a juris doctor!!  YAY!!

Afterward we took a few pictures before leaving (of course).

This is my mother and father.

 And, this would be my hubby and little man.

And one more of us, well... just because we're a good looking family.

At home, we had a nice little congratulatory party with cake and presents.  I'd always joked that I wanted a white lab coat like MDs get once they become doctors because it wasn't fair that JDs didn't get them since we're doctors too.  Well, my mother had one embroidered saying Dr. Jacquelin E. [last name], J.D.  How awesome is that?  And my grandmother had a gavel engraved with my name on it.  

So, for the last picture of my graduation day, I give you Dr. Mad Jackie.

As always, thanks for sticking with me through the break.  Graduation was in mid-May and since then I've been studying non-stop for the Bar Exam, which I took last week.  I'll post again soon to let you know the joys of bar prep.  I know you can't wait.... ;)

How My Son Saved My Life

It's Secret Sunday!  Link up below!

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When you become a mother, you're giving life to someone else.  But sometimes when you become a mother, your child is also giving life to you.  Just like this Post Secret submission, I honestly feel like my son saved my life.  

I found out I was pregnant when I was 20.  Seeing those two lines on that stick changed me forever.  So much so, that I can separate the "me" I am into pre-mommy time and post-mommy time.

Pre-mommy time I knew everything (sarcasm) but was doing nothing.  Sure, I was enrolled in college classes but each semester I probably ended up dropping or failing a few classes and then barely passing the others. I was in college because, well... that was just what I felt was the next step.  You graduate high school.  You go to college.  But I had no motivation at all.  

The moment I found out I was pregnant, my life changed.  I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm going to be someone's mommy and this little thing growing inside me is going to need me to have my shit together."  I never purposely messed up before I had my son, but I never purposely made sure I was on the right track either.  

I always say that having Maddox made me the me I should have been all along.  

Post-mommy time, I decided I wanted to go for my dream:  applying to law school.  I knew in order to do this I had to pull up my GPA up tremendously.  The semester before I found out I was pregnant (Fall 2004) I had a 2.41!  

I graduated with a 3.08, which is nothing to be proud of ordinarily.  But in order to do that, I had to re-take several classes.  I had six semesters left when I found out I was pregnant, and five of those I either made Dean's List (As and Bs) or Chancellor's List (All As).  The other one, I had one C... grr!  

I studied my ass off for my LSAT and ended up snagging a decent score and then I applied to law school.  I was terrified.  I remember sitting at the computer with all the necessary application documents uploaded, and all I needed to do was hit the "submit" button.  But I couldn't do it.  I bet I sat there for an hour.  

And then I realized that one day my son would have a moment where he would be scared to go for a dream because the odds were against him.  I knew that when that moment comes for him, I wanted to tell him that I at least applied to law school, even if I didn't get in.  So I held my breath and hit submit.

The rest is history, really.  I became the first person in my family to graduate from college in 2008.  Seeing my son in the audience as I entered the arena is a moment I'll never forget.  In many ways, I feel like it was him that should have walked across the stage instead of me.  

I got accepted to law school (although I still have no clue how considering over 1600 people applied and less than 150 were accepted--a 10% admission rate.)  And now I'm 111 days from walking across the stage again, this time with a much higher GPA.  And I'll be opening my own business soon.  

Not only did he inspire me to do my best academically, he just made me a better person.  I know that if I want to raise him to be thoughtful, I have to be thoughtful.  I know that if I want to raise him to be kind, I have to be kind.  All of this has contributed to the post-mommy me.  

When I think about the me I'd be without my son I either want to laugh, cry, or do both.  He inspires me.  He continuously motivates me.  

None of the above would be "my story" if it weren't for my son.  He saved me.  

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

So, what's your secret?

{New to Secret Sunday? Find out all you need to know here!}

Celebrity Crushes: Warning--May Cause Hot Flashes

This week's Post Secret submission made me think about how everyone has a celebrity crush (or two or three.)

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Usually for women, they're typical.  You know who I'm talking about.

Brad Pitt

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Matthew McConaughey

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Jared Leto

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Tyson Beckford

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But I've never really had a celebrity crush on any of the typical actors.  Okay, wait... maybe one.

Leonardo Dicaprio

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But that crush started back in his Basketball Diary days and has stayed with me.  Other than Leo (I like to pretend we're on a first-name basis) my celebrity crushes include:

Colin Firth

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Edward Norton

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Alec Baldwin

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Although I find these men attractive, I believe that one of the main reasons these men would qualify as my celebrity "crushes" is because of their talent.  I admire each one of these men for attributes that go beyond their handsome looks.

On a somewhat-related note:  I've come to discover that if you can dream it up someone out there has either tried it or would LOVE to try it--no matter how crazy an idea it may seem.  (Side Note:  Have you ever seen the show Taboo?  It reinforces my point.)

So, when I ask myself whether anyone out there currently has a celebrity crush on the following famous men, I'm forced to answer with a resounding yes.  Yes, there has to be at least one person on this planet who would LOVE to get a piece of the action below.

Steve Buscemi

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Gary Busey

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Who are your celebrity crushes?  Maybe one of the two gentlemen directly above?  *wink. wink. nudge. nudge.*

Secret Sunday is a series of posts inspired by the weekly submissions to Post Secret.

Click here to visit postsecret.com OR click here to visit other posts by this author in this series.

It's 20 Freakin' 12 Y'all!

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It's 20 freakin' 12 y'all.  That just sounds so futuristic.  I feel like I should be teleporting the cookies I'm craving right now from the fridge directly into my mouth.  But instead, I guess I'll have to get up and get them myself.  LAME!

Honestly I don't even KNOW what all of my New Year Resolutions were last year.  But, if I had to guess I'm sure one of them was to lose weight.  #fail

One awesome thing that DID came into my life in 2011 and stick around to ring in the new year with me was this blog.  I started it in March of 2011 with a post entitled 'I Feel Nakie'.  And, although this blog wasn't part of a New Year's Resolution, as busy and chaotic as 2011 was at times, I'm thankful to be celebrating my one-year bloggy birthday in just two and a half months!

This year, my New Year's Resolutions are pretty normal, which is pretty strange for me.  After all, you're reading the chick's blog whose past resolutions have included things like 'to open all of my chip bags upside' or 'to find a way to work the word echelon into a sentence at every opportunity possible.'

So, back to 2012:

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Not yet, but it could be if I don't get it together....

One of my main focuses will be to make organization a priority.  I'll be *cough* starting my own business this year and running it from home so organization will play a big part in my sanity during all of this.

To help me get organized I'm taking part in the 52 week organizational challenge at Home Storage Solutions 101.  I've already done about 80% of week one (holla).  Did I mention how extremely thankful I am that someone took the time to break household organization into 52 easy steps so that it might actually have a chance of getting done?  Because I am.

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I want to purposefully turn off ALL electronic forms of entertainment for one hour per night on weekdays--not just my electronics--all of them.  Honestly, I'd love to get that number to two hours a night, but I'm planning on starting it with 30 minutes beginning next Monday, after the kiddo has been back in school from the break and we have more of a routine.  (Note--No, electronics are not always on at my home.  That's not what I'm saying.  I'm talking about designating a specific time that they are not allowed so as to facilitate more talking, family time, and togetherness.)

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Another obvious resolution is weight loss.  *yawn*  I love My Fitness Pal and have been using it off and on for quite a while.  I hope to use it a little more religiously throughout the year and to shed some excess poundage.  {Oh, and if you're using MFP email me and I'll give you my SN so we can like, totally be MFPBFFs!}

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What else?  What else?  Oh, I'm also (of course) hoping to knock out some more of my 30 before 30 list.  I also want to live more in the moment (which is very hard for me and I hate that.)

So, yea... 2012's goals are pretty calm but they'll be challenging in many respects.  Above all, so long as my my family, friends, and our health greet me as I welcome in 2013 in a year I can't say I'll have too many complaints about what happens with much else.  It's the little things people.

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!

Will You Marry Me?

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This Post Secret submission made me smile.  I know, that doesn't seem like the normal response, I'm sure.  But, I smiled because it reminded me of my husband.  ;)

I can't count the number of times I've been asked the same common questions.

So, how long have you been married?

Where did you meet?

How did he propose?

Well, while it's easy to give answers to the first two questions, the third one is a little difficult to answer.  

How did he propose?  Ya know, I'm not sure that he did.  

I remember sitting in a small area with other parents during my son's gymnastics class a few months before my husband boyfriend deployed.  We were chatting--about what I don't know--and all I remember is him leaning over to me and saying well, why don't we just get married then.

PUT ON THE BREAKS!

Did I just hear him correctly?  I have him repeat himself.

Well, why don't we just get married then? 

Okay, so at least I'm not hearing things.  That's good.  I think.  

But is he serious?  

Are you serious?

Yea, I'm serious.  I mean, sure.  Why don't we just get married?

I start to laugh.  I laugh uncontrollably.  

At this time I become uncomfortably aware that I'm sitting within earshot of at least six other strangers women.  For some reason, this only makes me laugh more.

Through my own raging giggles I manage to cough out--Did you just propose?  I mean, did you REALLY just basically ask me to marry you?  At my son's gymnastics class?  Is that what's happening?  I think I've lost my mind.  

This entire interrogation is continuously cut short by my own laughter.  And it's not a mean laughter.  It's more of a shocked, happy, what the hell is going on, kinda laughter.  

Yea.  I mean, I obviously didn't mean to go into this here, but I want to marry you.  So, let's get married.  

Robert, I want to marry you too but we can't have this talk here.  Can we?  Wait, ARE we?  

I laugh some more.  We hold hands and smile, knowing that we've just given the other nosey parents something to go home and talk about.  

Later on that evening we finalized our decision in a private post-gymnastics discussion.  It was official.  We were engaged!

The next day, I nervously told my mother.  I didn't know how well it'd go over with her considering Robert and I had only been together a little over three months when we got engaged.

About two weeks later his mother and father made the drive from his home state to mine to meet me.  They brought a few rings with them for me to pick from that she thought I'd be interested in from her jewelry store.  I picked the biggest one (duh!) and Robert placed it on my finger.  

So, I guess that's the story of my proposal.  :)  

Although I sometimes look back and think that I wish he'd have proposed in some really romantic way and had planned it, I honestly don't think I'd change a thing.  Sure my proposal (if you can even call it that) wasn't romantic.  But it's ours. And honestly, I love that story.  It's us.  And I love us and everything that makes us 'us.'  

I think society puts way too much pressure on men with regard to proposals and making everything super romantic and perfect.  My favorite kinds of romance come at times where none is expected.  I think the best example of this is receiving flowers.  

I love flowers.  But don't you dare give me flowers on Valentine's Day from some expensive florist.  Instead, while you're out at the store on a random day--pick me up a small bouquet for $5 of daisies or sunflowers and surprise me with them.  That means so much more.  

So if I could tell the sender of that postcard anything, it'd be to let up on the guy.  If you love him and if you want to marry him for the right reasons, you'll look past those moments that didn't quite come in the perfect little package you'd always planned for them to.  Instead, try to appreciate how non-generic your proposal was and laugh about it.  For better or worse--it's now a part of your story.  

And ya know, I'd much rather stick with my funny, awkward proposal story and tell it until the day that I die because my husband and I have had a happy, long marriage than to trade that in for a spectacular proposal that ended in a broken engagement or divorce.  

Secret Sunday is a series of posts inspired by the weekly submissions to Post Secret.

Click here to visit postsecret.com OR click here to visit other posts by this author in this series.

I'm Just Here for the Free Music

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I could really relate to this submission to Post Secret.  Although I'm not an atheist, I've yet to find a church that really nails (no pun intended) my beliefs in God.  I won't get into them here (because that's a whole post in and of itself) but I do long to find one (hence the reason behind number 10 on my 30 before 30 list.)

Growing up, I was raised southern baptist.  Although going to church was something I never looked forward to, I always loved the music.  In fact, you never had to beg me to go on a Sunday night, because Sunday nights consisted of about 30 minutes of singing hymn after hymn and then 15 to 20 minutes of a sermon.

I miss church, a lot.  I miss the friendships.  I miss the sense of community.  I miss the volunteering.  And I even miss hearing certain sermons, such as those about love, forgiveness, and kindness.

I really do miss those aspects of being a part of a church.  But the one thing that stands out in my mind the most is how much I miss the music.

 I loved hearing everyone sing, from the great to the not-so-great.  I always got so excited anytime the music director would say, "Now turn your hymnal to page 251," and I would realize that I knew the harmony to that song.  I miss the everyday church music, and I especially miss the CHRISTMAS music.

To hear the choir and the congregation belting out some of my favorite gospel music is an experience I don't get anywhere else.  And I miss it.  I really, really miss it.

So, although I'm not atheist, I can completely relate to the poster of the card above.  Gospel music kept me in church for as long as it did, and is likely to play a large role in the reason behind why a certain temple/church ends up being "the one" that lets me cross off number ten.

Secret Sunday is a series of posts inspired by the weekly submissions to Post Secret.

Click here to visit postsecret.com OR click here to visit other posts by this author in this series.

5 x 4 = 20 Things About Me (That I'm OBVIOUSLY Awesome at Mental Math? That's a freebie.)

{5} Things You Don't Know About Me

{1.}  Sometimes when I'm belting out songs in the car by myself, I pretend I'm on the phone.  Haye, I'd rather a stranger mistake my passion for 80s Love Ballads for an angry business call than to chance being on the next season of Tosh.0.  I have a reputation to uphold here.

{2.}  I've licked The Alamo and a Mammoth's tooth... on purpose.  Why would I want to do that you ask? Who else do you know who can say they've licked both The Alamo and a real Mammoth's tooth?  Hmm?  Nobody?  Exactly.  If you don't think I won't put that on a resume as a conversational piece, think again.  

{3.}  I've played The Stepmother in Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella.  What's the opposite of being typecast?  Whatever.

{4.}  When I turned 20, I was so sad about not being a teenager anymore that anytime someone would ask my age I'd tell them I was twenty-teen.  

{5.}  I'm ranked in the top 15% of my law-school class.  (I had to put one "fact" about me in this section that wasn't self-deprecating to please my mother who will undoubtably read this.  Hi mom!)

{5} Things I'm Knowledgeable About

{1.}  Surrogacy:  both the process and the laws governing it.  I researched it for 9 months then wrote a 60-paged paper on it for law review and to satisfy my upper-level writing requirement.  Oh, and I was a surrogate in 2009 too, duh.  Ask away.  ;)

{2.}  Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss:  I have quite a few works by both authors memorized by heart

{3.}  Breastfeeding:  I never planned on breastfeeding my son, but when he was born sick and it was all I could do to help him, I read everything about it I could get my hands on and ended up not weaning him until he was 18 months old.

{4.}  College:  Oh, college.  The "do's" and the "don't you dares!"  From financial aid to organizations, I pretty much know it all.  In fact, I posted about The ABCs of Being a Student back in April!

{5.}  How Much I Still Have to Learn:  That's right.  I know that I have a TON of learning left to do!  I know everyday I learn more.  I know that every person I meet has a lesson to teach and a special talent or skill to share.  I know that learning doesn't come from a book.  It comes from listening, sometimes with your eyes closed and your ear up against the wall, but other times just with your heart.  

{5} Things I Know Nothing About

{1.}  Technology:  Sure, I know how to work a Mac (well, I was going to use an analogy here but the only one I can think of is "like a stripper works a pole," and that doesn't sound very appropriate so I just won't use one.)  But if you told me to guess what's inside this thing, I'd tell you that I guess whatever it is doesn't need to see in order to work because it's probably dark in there... I mean, duh.

{2.}  THIS!!

I mean... is it magic?  HOW do people do that?!  Obviously *looks at category* I do not know!!

{3.}  Cows:  That's right.  I said it.  COWS.  Sure, there's black ones and brown ones and some are white with black spots.  But like for example, do the cows that give the milk ALWAYS have milk?  Are they born producing milk?  Or, are they like humans and only produce milk after giving birth?  And why are there black and white boy cows?  To me--ALL black and white cows are girl, milk cows.  All black cows are boy cows.  At least, that's how it should be.  Color coat those suckers.  Well what about brown cows you ask?  Well, I was going to say they just shouldn't exist at all but "How Now Black and White Cow" just doesn't have the same ring to it, now does it?  So, we'll just have to consider them as the "mule" of the mommy cow, who is white with black spots, and the daddy cow, who is solid black.  And apparently they have like 38.16 stomaches?  Whatever.  I'm over it.  Moving on.  Or should I say, Moooooving on!

{4.}  Hair:  Some hair on our body will grow indefinitely.  It will grow until we cut it or until we die.  Got it.  But other hair KNOWS to stop at a certain length.  How does it know that?  Like, if I trimmed my eyebrows with scissors to half their normal length, the hairs would be like, "Alright guys, lunch break's over.  We're down an 1/8th of an inch.  Looks like we're putting in overtime tonight."  HOW DOES IT KNOW?!

{5.}  The alphabet:  Sure I can say it, but I have no clue why the letters are in the order they are.  At first glance you might think it's in the order in which they're most frequently used.  (We obviously use 'A' way more than 'Z' but upon closer inspection, this is not the case.)  So who picked this order?  And why?  Someone had to have done that.  I need answers. And while I'm complaining about the alphabet, allow me to share this thought as well.  It should be a RULE that if you can SPELL OUT a letter, it CANNOT be a letter.  For example:  'A' is very short.  But then there's 'W.'  Clearly it does not belong:  DOUBLE U?!  Really?!  It's NOT a letter.  'W' is a blatant alphabetic impostor if you ask me.  

{5} Things I Believe

{1.}  I believe that being able to be a mother by far makes up for all the other crap we have to put up with as women--from being seen as inferior in the workforce to being forced to work in sheen pantyhose.  It makes up for it all.

{2.}  I believe that for many, myself included, independence is spelled e-d-u-c-a-t-i-o-n.

{3.}  I believe that the ability to genuinely laugh at how absolutely ridiculous you are or have been gives you one of only a few golden tickets that exist in this life which can alter your situation and circumstances in far greater capacities than Charlie Bucket's golden ticket altered his.

{4.}  I believe that we, as humans, only have the ability to truly and intimately know a dozen or two people at any given stage in our lives and that what we think we know about all others really isn't knowledge at all--it's our perception of their actions completely removed from their life's story.  I believe that if we would stay conscience of this limited perception the world would be a lot kinder place.

{5.}  I believe that there's a cosmic symmetry to life, a balance, always teetering to find its center.  And therefore, in whatever ways it is that you are blessed, it is your responsibility to bless others to the best of your ability.  Because if you don't do your part to level the balance, it will find a way of doing it itself.  It's not karma in the one-dimensional sense some make it out to be.  It runs deeper.

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!

I Miss Her So Much

On June 29, 2010 I lost my great grandmother.

I knew I'd miss her long before she left us, but I could never have guessed how much.  Looking back I was crazy not to have realized how much of a hole she'd leave in me.  After all, she was a part of every special memory in my life.

Every Easter I that I can ever remember was spent in her backyard.

Granny would sit on the porch and watch the children go wild.

Everyone would hunt eggs....

....and spend time with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings.

Our last Easter together, she wasn't feeling well so I'm thankful to have snagged one photo with her.  

Every Halloween we'd stop by to make sure she saw our costumes.

Every Thanksgiving, it was her house the whole family flocked to in order to fill up on turkey and dressing.

And every Christmas Eve, it was her tree that everyone always gathered around to pass out gifts.

She hadn't been herself months before she passed, but two days before she left us she gave us all one last special gift--the gift of her company.  

She was very alert and ready to talk to everyone.  

She even smiled.  Oh, she smiled.  

And she even gave us a hard time and all of us laughed.

I'm so thankful that she gave us one last day to soak her in.  When I get too sad about her not being with me anymore it's these memories, and many more, that I try to focus on.  I'm so blessed to have had a relationship with this strong-willed, opinionated woman that I often see in myself.  

The day she passed was a very bad day, even though we knew it was coming.  And this past year has been difficult for my family as we seek out a new way of coming together to celebrate without her.  In many ways, she was our family's center of gravity and we've all been off balance since her passing.  

But thankfully, she left a little bit of herself in each of us and that gives me the hope I need to know that no matter what, we'll get stronger everyday.  

I miss you granny.  

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!

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