Monday, July 11, 2011

No One Tells You About THE MOMMY GUILT....

Everyone loves to open their pie hole anytime they find out someone is expecting to share their opinions on how the mommy-to-be's life is about to change.  

Ah.... how I love unwanted advice.

But ya know, out of all that unwanted advice I've ever received, not once did anyone mention the mommy guilt.

Oh.... the mommy guilt.

Every night I lay in bed and my mind turns on me:

You didn't play with Maddox enough today.  Oh, and remember when he asked you to watch that movie with him yesterday and you said you would tomorrow?  Well, you didn't do it.  How much TV did he watch today?  That was way too much.  You should have been bonding with him during that time.  And let me guess, you won't have time tomorrow because you need to study?  Typical.

And it goes on... and on..... and on.....

I literally beat myself up mentally.  Why did no one tell me this would happen?

And what's sad is that my baby is almost 6 years old.  I keep thinking the mommy guilt will magically go away once he hits a certain age.  It doesn't.  In fact, I think the more time that passes, the easier it is for me to guilt myself.

For example, today I found myself planning the child's birthday party.  Today.  I repeat:  I was doing this TODAY.

His birthday?  The week of Halloween!  When I stopped to think about how ridiculous I am for planning his birthday party so early this year, I realized that I do this every year.

And then I realized why I do it.  It's because his third birthday happened a few months after I started law school.  I was completely overwhelmed and busy and the time got away from me, so his third birthday party was extremely thrown together.

I felt horrible about it.  Like.... OMG, I've just ruined my child's life horrible.

I still guilt myself for that.  STILL.  The child was three.... like he even remembers!

But MOMMY GUILT never forgets!!

At first I thought I was the only mom who constantly felt guilty, but every time I bring it up to other mothers they completely relate.

We have got to quit doing this to ourselves dang it.

I'm going to make a conscious effort to cut myself some slack in an attempt to calm the mommy guilt.

So tonight when I lay down (and any other time that I start beating myself up mentally with this mommy guilt nonsense) I'm going to repeat this to myself over and over again until I believe it:

I am only human.  I am doing the best I can, and that is all I can do.  

Do you have mommy guilt?  If so, what helps you?

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