Thursday, December 1, 2011

5 x 4 = 20 Things About Me (That I'm OBVIOUSLY Awesome at Mental Math? That's a freebie.)

{5} Things You Don't Know About Me

{1.}  Sometimes when I'm belting out songs in the car by myself, I pretend I'm on the phone.  Haye, I'd rather a stranger mistake my passion for 80s Love Ballads for an angry business call than to chance being on the next season of Tosh.0.  I have a reputation to uphold here.

{2.}  I've licked The Alamo and a Mammoth's tooth... on purpose.  Why would I want to do that you ask? Who else do you know who can say they've licked both The Alamo and a real Mammoth's tooth?  Hmm?  Nobody?  Exactly.  If you don't think I won't put that on a resume as a conversational piece, think again.  

{3.}  I've played The Stepmother in Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella.  What's the opposite of being typecast?  Whatever.

{4.}  When I turned 20, I was so sad about not being a teenager anymore that anytime someone would ask my age I'd tell them I was twenty-teen.  

{5.}  I'm ranked in the top 15% of my law-school class.  (I had to put one "fact" about me in this section that wasn't self-deprecating to please my mother who will undoubtably read this.  Hi mom!)

{5} Things I'm Knowledgeable About

{1.}  Surrogacy:  both the process and the laws governing it.  I researched it for 9 months then wrote a 60-paged paper on it for law review and to satisfy my upper-level writing requirement.  Oh, and I was a surrogate in 2009 too, duh.  Ask away.  ;)

{2.}  Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss:  I have quite a few works by both authors memorized by heart

{3.}  Breastfeeding:  I never planned on breastfeeding my son, but when he was born sick and it was all I could do to help him, I read everything about it I could get my hands on and ended up not weaning him until he was 18 months old.

{4.}  College:  Oh, college.  The "do's" and the "don't you dares!"  From financial aid to organizations, I pretty much know it all.  In fact, I posted about The ABCs of Being a Student back in April!

{5.}  How Much I Still Have to Learn:  That's right.  I know that I have a TON of learning left to do!  I know everyday I learn more.  I know that every person I meet has a lesson to teach and a special talent or skill to share.  I know that learning doesn't come from a book.  It comes from listening, sometimes with your eyes closed and your ear up against the wall, but other times just with your heart.  

{5} Things I Know Nothing About

{1.}  Technology:  Sure, I know how to work a Mac (well, I was going to use an analogy here but the only one I can think of is "like a stripper works a pole," and that doesn't sound very appropriate so I just won't use one.)  But if you told me to guess what's inside this thing, I'd tell you that I guess whatever it is doesn't need to see in order to work because it's probably dark in there... I mean, duh.

{2.}  THIS!!
I mean... is it magic?  HOW do people do that?!  Obviously *looks at category* I do not know!!

{3.}  Cows:  That's right.  I said it.  COWS.  Sure, there's black ones and brown ones and some are white with black spots.  But like for example, do the cows that give the milk ALWAYS have milk?  Are they born producing milk?  Or, are they like humans and only produce milk after giving birth?  And why are there black and white boy cows?  To me--ALL black and white cows are girl, milk cows.  All black cows are boy cows.  At least, that's how it should be.  Color coat those suckers.  Well what about brown cows you ask?  Well, I was going to say they just shouldn't exist at all but "How Now Black and White Cow" just doesn't have the same ring to it, now does it?  So, we'll just have to consider them as the "mule" of the mommy cow, who is white with black spots, and the daddy cow, who is solid black.  And apparently they have like 38.16 stomaches?  Whatever.  I'm over it.  Moving on.  Or should I say, Moooooving on!

{4.}  Hair:  Some hair on our body will grow indefinitely.  It will grow until we cut it or until we die.  Got it.  But other hair KNOWS to stop at a certain length.  How does it know that?  Like, if I trimmed my eyebrows with scissors to half their normal length, the hairs would be like, "Alright guys, lunch break's over.  We're down an 1/8th of an inch.  Looks like we're putting in overtime tonight."  HOW DOES IT KNOW?!

{5.}  The alphabet:  Sure I can say it, but I have no clue why the letters are in the order they are.  At first glance you might think it's in the order in which they're most frequently used.  (We obviously use 'A' way more than 'Z' but upon closer inspection, this is not the case.)  So who picked this order?  And why?  Someone had to have done that.  I need answers. And while I'm complaining about the alphabet, allow me to share this thought as well.  It should be a RULE that if you can SPELL OUT a letter, it CANNOT be a letter.  For example:  'A' is very short.  But then there's 'W.'  Clearly it does not belong:  DOUBLE U?!  Really?!  It's NOT a letter.  'W' is a blatant alphabetic impostor if you ask me.  

{5} Things I Believe

{1.}  I believe that being able to be a mother by far makes up for all the other crap we have to put up with as women--from being seen as inferior in the workforce to being forced to work in sheen pantyhose.  It makes up for it all.

{2.}  I believe that for many, myself included, independence is spelled e-d-u-c-a-t-i-o-n.

{3.}  I believe that the ability to genuinely laugh at how absolutely ridiculous you are or have been gives you one of only a few golden tickets that exist in this life which can alter your situation and circumstances in far greater capacities than Charlie Bucket's golden ticket altered his.

{4.}  I believe that we, as humans, only have the ability to truly and intimately know a dozen or two people at any given stage in our lives and that what we think we know about all others really isn't knowledge at all--it's our perception of their actions completely removed from their life's story.  I believe that if we would stay conscience of this limited perception the world would be a lot kinder place.

{5.}  I believe that there's a cosmic symmetry to life, a balance, always teetering to find its center.  And therefore, in whatever ways it is that you are blessed, it is your responsibility to bless others to the best of your ability.  Because if you don't do your part to level the balance, it will find a way of doing it itself.  It's not karma in the one-dimensional sense some make it out to be.  It runs deeper.

This post idea came from Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.  Be sure to stop by there for creative inspiration!

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