The Baby Maybes

Hello, my name is Jackie and I have The Baby Maybes.

I have a son.  He's five.  He's perfect.  

I mean, come on... just look at that face.  

What more could I ask for?  Yup, I definitely do not want a baby.

But....

He'll never have a sibling.  And I love my sister.  I couldn't imagine my life without her.  

We drive each other crazy, but I love her.  Yup, I definitely want a baby.

But... 

I have that whole law-school thing going on.  I'm super busy as is it.

I barely have time for the kid I do have.  Yup, I definitely do not want a baby.

But...

Law school is only temporary and I graduate soon enough!!

[Undergrad Graduation Picture :D]

I'd even be finished several months before any baby arrived.  Yup, I definitely want a baby.

But...

I have all of these stupid medical issues that could easily complicate pregnancy and child birth.

These health issues are the reason I put having another one in the "no go" category to begin with.  

Yup, I definitely do not want a baby.

But...

My doctors are amazing.  And so is my husband.

He'd help take care of me or we could always adopt.  Yup, I definitely want a baby.

I could go on and on and on....  and I do. 

The what-ifs of each possible outcome plague me and I always fear that I will ultimately make the wrong decision, no matter what that decision may be... 

About every three to six months I go through this process in my mind.  It always ends the same way.... with me secretly wanting another baby but being too scared to act on it, to change the flow of our lives.  In many ways, I feel so blessed by what I have that I'm scared to "tempt fate."  

Welcome to The Baby Maybes