Sunday, January 29, 2012

How My Son Saved My Life

It's Secret Sunday!  Link up below!

When you become a mother, you're giving life to someone else.  But sometimes when you become a mother, your child is also giving life to you.  Just like this Post Secret submission, I honestly feel like my son saved my life.  

I found out I was pregnant when I was 20.  Seeing those two lines on that stick changed me forever.  So much so, that I can separate the "me" I am into pre-mommy time and post-mommy time.

Pre-mommy time I knew everything (sarcasm) but was doing nothing.  Sure, I was enrolled in college classes but each semester I probably ended up dropping or failing a few classes and then barely passing the others. I was in college because, well... that was just what I felt was the next step.  You graduate high school.  You go to college.  But I had no motivation at all.  

The moment I found out I was pregnant, my life changed.  I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm going to be someone's mommy and this little thing growing inside me is going to need me to have my shit together."  I never purposely messed up before I had my son, but I never purposely made sure I was on the right track either.  

I always say that having Maddox made me the me I should have been all along.  

Post-mommy time, I decided I wanted to go for my dream:  applying to law school.  I knew in order to do this I had to pull up my GPA up tremendously.  The semester before I found out I was pregnant (Fall 2004) I had a 2.41!  

I graduated with a 3.08, which is nothing to be proud of ordinarily.  But in order to do that, I had to re-take several classes.  I had six semesters left when I found out I was pregnant, and five of those I either made Dean's List (As and Bs) or Chancellor's List (All As).  The other one, I had one C... grr!  

I studied my ass off for my LSAT and ended up snagging a decent score and then I applied to law school.  I was terrified.  I remember sitting at the computer with all the necessary application documents uploaded, and all I needed to do was hit the "submit" button.  But I couldn't do it.  I bet I sat there for an hour.  

And then I realized that one day my son would have a moment where he would be scared to go for a dream because the odds were against him.  I knew that when that moment comes for him, I wanted to tell him that I at least applied to law school, even if I didn't get in.  So I held my breath and hit submit.

The rest is history, really.  I became the first person in my family to graduate from college in 2008.  Seeing my son in the audience as I entered the arena is a moment I'll never forget.  In many ways, I feel like it was him that should have walked across the stage instead of me.  

I got accepted to law school (although I still have no clue how considering over 1600 people applied and less than 150 were accepted--a 10% admission rate.)  And now I'm 111 days from walking across the stage again, this time with a much higher GPA.  And I'll be opening my own business soon.  

Not only did he inspire me to do my best academically, he just made me a better person.  I know that if I want to raise him to be thoughtful, I have to be thoughtful.  I know that if I want to raise him to be kind, I have to be kind.  All of this has contributed to the post-mommy me.  

When I think about the me I'd be without my son I either want to laugh, cry, or do both.  He inspires me.  He continuously motivates me.  

None of the above would be "my story" if it weren't for my son.  He saved me.  

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

So, what's your secret?
{New to Secret Sunday? Find out all you need to know here!}

1 comment:

  1. That is so wonderful! I had my 1st daughter when I had just turned 22. I'd have to say the same thing about her. Completely changed the choices I was making for my life. I'm a better person because of her. Congrats on all of your accomplishments! Sounds very exciting!