Sunday, January 22, 2012

To My Son: Who You Are is Who I Want You To Be

This submission to Post Secret makes me so, so sad.  It makes me sad as a human.  But it especially makes me sad as a mother.  

I am probably what most would consider to be a liberal mother.  Basically the only rule we have in this house is to be respectful to yourself and to others.  Period.  In my opinion, that's pretty much the only rule that you need.  It's almost like an umbrella that covers everything that's really important.  And it works for us.  

Everything else pretty much goes.  I think that being creative and silly and having no inhibitions is such a beautiful part of childhood that we somehow (unfortunately) lose as adults.  So I let Madd express himself in as many ways as he wants to.  I think that this has allowed him to truly form (and continously form) his personal identity.  

So, when he picked up the loose powder finish I apply to my face everyday and asked if he could put some on, I didn't think twice.  Of course you can.  Here, let mommy show you how to do it.  And then we topped it off with some shimmery lipgloss.  

The week before when he wanted my sister to paint his toenails with the new polish she'd gotten for Christmas, I watched as he stared down at his shiny toes and smiled.  

His favorite colors are pink and purple, and he often tells people that.  And given the choice between picking out a pink yo-yo or a blue yo-yo as a toy at Chuck E. Cheese's, he'll go with the pink.

All of that might seem insignificant to you (just as it does to me), and if it does, I applaud you.  But, I know many, many people who would never allow their son to do those things.  They would flat out forbid them.  

But why?  In my opinion, it's fear.  It's fear that somehow allowing your son to be curious about makeup or think polish looks neat is going to mean that your son will somehow "grow up" to be gay.  

But I don't think that way.  It's just him being a kid.  No one has told him No, that's wrong.  You can't do that!! so it's never crossed his mind.  And I'm so thankful that it hasn't, because that means that other people's opinions of what he should or shouldn't be doing with his life are not holding him back.

Now, I know eventually that people will get in his head and he'll think certain things are "wrong" or that he shouldn't do them because he's a boy.  I can't control that.  

What I can control is what he hears from me.  I want my son to be the best him that he can be.  And I want him to know that he has my full support as he journeys through life and tries to discover who that him really is.  

When he walks into this home and into my arms, HE is safe.  HE is welcome.  HE is who I want to be here.  Whoever that he is, is for him to decide.  My job is just to let him know that HE is who I love.

I'd like to end this post with an article that a friend of my sent to me the other day.  She read it and said it reminded her of how I parent.  Although I can only hope to be like the amazing mother who wrote this article, I took it as a compliment.  It discusses the reaction she received from her blog readers when she posted about her 6-year old son telling her that he had a crush on a popular male TV actor and the revelations she's had throughout this experience.  You can read it here.

Now it's your turn.  How did Post Secret inspire you this week?

Secret Sunday is a series of posts inspired by the weekly submissions to Post Secret.
Click here to visit OR click here to visit other posts by this author in this series.


  1. It takes true courage to accept your child as he or she is without falling into the trap of what you believe he or she should be.

    For the mom whose son can not be truly himself with, it seems as if she is filled with fear of and for gay people. Fear that somehow they are out to ruin the world and destroy "our" morals, and if she were to have a child who was gay she would fear for him, fear how others would treat him, bully him; what she does not know, can not know is that she is doing to her own son what she secretly fears will happen to a child of hers

  2. Thank you so much for this post. I read her original blog post, as it was posted by a friend of mine on facebook. I love encouraging my children to be whoever they need to be and it's great to see someone else doing that.

    As for being gay, I finally came out to my family a couple of years ago after being married for almost 5 years. I completely get it.

    Thanks again. :) Following you now and am really glad I found this post on Bloggy Moms.